Chinese and Mandarin

Today, I went to work. My colleagues were people with a very good command of Mandarin. Made me greatly aware of how woefully inadequate my Mandarin is. I just couldn't catch what they were saying when they were speaking very fast. I do not feel put off by it, in fact, I feel challenged by it. I think they speak very good Mandarin and write beautiful Chinese characters. It's quite a challenge, trying to express myself in Mandarin and it's not like very mundane conversation kind. It's like trying to introduce myself, tell people what I am doing, ask them questions about themselves and their family. Realised that most of them are not locals, at least those I interacted more with. One guy is actually studying at Beijing University - wow! And I realise they've got rather exotic Chinese names. Some do sound rather nice and are not very common names that you hear around.

But then, even though I took it as a challenge and like spoke Mandarin to the best of my ability, I still felt like an outcast. Perhaps it was because they all work at the same place the whole time but I will only join them on Saturdays. But I felt that it was because I don't speak their language. I don't know if they felt that I was an outcast but I felt like an outcast.

Oft times, especially recently, I've wondered why do I want to learn Japanese but not Chinese? Not that I am against Chinese but that I do not actively seek to learn more. I do believe that as a Chinese, I should be able to speak Mandarin. Not that I expect all Chinese to speak it, because of the environment they've grown up in, but if presented an opportunity to learn Chinese, I think one ought to take it up. I do not quite understand people who detest the subject because I feel that it is a part of my culture. Ok, cut out all the argument about race being a false social category and all that. But I've seriously considered why don't I invest more time in Chinese instead of on Japanese? I wonder what people would think? Like I have not mastered Chinese but want to learn Japanese?

But then a lot of times, it's like that, you just can't explain why you like something, you just like it.

Whatever it is, good Mandarin or not, I'm interested to know more about other people's lives, especially those different from mine. Yep, found out a bit about my colleagues today.