these weeks have been trying...
for weeks, i've wondered if i was actually depressed
the negative thoughts that were just crowding out all other thoughts in my mind
to the extent that i felt that my functioning was affected
it's ironic, being a psychology student
you know there might be something wrong
but you have no idea how you should help yourself
i contemplated doing the strangest things
what if i just decide to run away and not do anything?
what if i just jump down from the window

to put it simply, there wasn't much joy in life
nothing much to look forward to, to be happy about
and i m not too sure why
maybe there was too much school work
maybe there was too much paranoia
every single action could be perceived in the worst possible light
feeling lousy about my lack of social adequacy
school is all about work, do work, attend classes
i m not a person, i'm a work machine
no time for much idle chitchat, for nice long lunches to catch up with friends
harder to meet friends, friends have graduated
everyone's concerned about getting jobs, graduating

work that's demanding and several social occurences
that made me feel like some kinda pariah
makes hoonie an unhappy girl
if i were apathetic last time
i felt more like a zombie recently
lack of emotions, i seem to feel nothing
worse of all, i find myself unable to articulate my unhappiness
tell my woes to someone or how to seek help
sunk into an abyss of loneliness
maybe i just need more serotonin

weiie, i miss you! :(
i miss our impromptu "i-had-a-bad-day" sessions
where we wld have something good and complain
about how unjust the world is
haha

rusty used to say i was optimistic
where has my optimism gone to?
then again, he also said that i was cynical
negativity just repels positivity

these 2 days have been good
a good start to mid-sem break
positive affirmations
catching up with old friends
everyone had a great time
trying to live the lives of kids momentarily
playing with lanterns and sparklers

xuan: you know what i like about you? you're not afraid to be "chou", just let yourself be and have a good time.

thanks, xuan :)

god, please help me lift the gloom
to find the old me
who could find joy and contentment
in simple things
a pretty bird chirping
a beautiful blue sky
a sweet song