once a blue moon, i will start blog surfing from one blog to another, on and on, linking from one person to another. some kind of chain reaction that's usually sparked off by a feeling of boredom (which is pretty rare) or by stumbling/being told about someone's blog. today the cause was the latter reason.

i always like knowing more about people. attribute it to my kaypoh-ness, my apparent aquarian inquisitiveness, knowledge is power or whatever. i just like knowing more about people, their stories. it's strange sometimes, to just outright ask a lot of question i guess and anyway, i'm too lazy to ask a lot of questions. and i do feel like i'm intruding on someone's privacy when i ask too many questions. i dun really like to interrogate people? and dun like being asked a lot of questions. especially if they are coming non-stop and in rapid-fire fashion and i have no idea how i should ideally answer them. yea i get tired easily of answering the same questions again and again.

anyway, what led to this post is..i've been spending my days sewing costumes for hall rag. i suppose i have this very ideal vision of what rag is like. and it's not really been what i expected. guess i'm not really doing what i would really have loved to do? i guess i would rather be dealing with like metal cans and stuff and making things that look like some origami. but that, as i've just found out, is the designers' job, of which i am apparently unsuitable for. hmm..

so i've been stitching costumes. it's alright, just that i know next to nothing about how to make costumes? and the last time i ever used a sewing machine was like for sec 2 home economics, a good 8 years in the past (goodness, how time flies!) ok, but that's alright, it's a challenge..haha, i like challenges. yea and as i've found out, i do enjoy using the sewing machine, stitching long straight lines! haha..just hate the pinning part. due to my perfectionistic streak, i take forever to ensure that i'm pinning it real straight and nice. and i cant stand it when the stitching's a mess, i just have to unpick and stitch again.

ok, whatever, get to the main point. which is i was pretty annoyed with the boss, angry even, perhaps. i felt that she's like unmotivated, dispassionate, uncommittted. in my idealised rag, everyone's like super motivated and feels that they really wanna win the rag. in this case, i really don't feel that. well, she claimed that she was working the night shift and yet, when i wen to hall, all the way from my super ulu house in sengkang, leaving house at like 8.15am! i realise that there's not much that she had done. which made me questioned, why the heck am i bothering to wake up and go help in something, that i do not see any specific confirmed tangible rewards for? no confirmed room, points etc. and the boss is seemingly unconcerned with regards to welfare and inept in communications.

i just felt totally tied down by the committment that i'd made. i always think for a very very long time before actually reaching a decision and do try my very best to stick to my word once i've promised something. so here, i had told them i would help and yet feeling very unmotivated about it. obligations. i always had a problem with doing things just because i had to do them. usually, they end up not being very well-done. done half-heartedly. of course, i could just walk away and go for 2 weeks of slacking in bed :) but no, my conscience would prick. :(

anyway, i'm over that le. decided to learn to say no and just do what i really felt like doing. help cos i wanted to help and not feel obligated to. it's been really nice spending time with xmm and c in the sewing room all day. we crack dumb jokes all the time, come up with theories of the boss and the queen, sing crazy songs.."i like all the girls, i like all the girls..", "suicidal, suicidal.." watch scary shows, openly admit that we're "hum"..wonder when ronald mcdonald's gonna come take our lunch orders..and that has made all the difference.

it's been great having supportive friends. friends who bring otak, fish soup, hello panda, beard papa cream puffs, ben and jerry's ice cream. thanks for all the love! :)

still, the boss hasnt been coming, though she claimed that she would be there every day after her singing competition is over. well, she din and apparently been really sick. and since i din feel that she's been nice to me, i couldnt really be very bothered either. dun explain, dun ask. this afternoon though she had a sore throat, i felt she sounded like she was crying, gonna cry.

apparently she has been sleeping very little and crying a lot. ok, maybe i've been too quick to judge. again. i duno, i'm not sure how she's really feeling. just hmm, felt a bit bad, despite all her shortcomings. yea, we found out from her blog. though i still do not agree with the way she abuses her power and treats/talk to people. deep down, i still felt a bit "opps, we mis-judged". i've never really been in love and think that i am incapable of knowing what such pain could be, but i will try to be nicer and kinder to her.

and from there, i springboard to many other people's blogs. read them and knew more about them, how they think. maybe reading too much blogs has made me write such a long post!