i saw her again, she's his sister, she's my pri sch classmate, from P1 to P3...standing there in their hse's living room, i suddenly felt as if i'd returned to all those yrs ago, in pri sch,transformed back in time...i cldn't fanthom how so many yrs had just passed us by just like tt...it's a shocking yet awe-filled feeling. i'm just glad to see her...but i cant begin to imagine how much she's changed..as in, in pri sch, we were just these innocent kids, but with the passage of time, i dunno the values that she's formed, her thoughts and opinions on things...it's like someone who's so close, yet so far away. yet, i felt that connectedness, that feeling of familiarity. that smile :) i'd always regarded her as one of my gd pri sch friends, at least in lower pri, though i dunno if she did..i din have many friends when i was young, she was one of those i still spoke to in upper pri who was not in my class, perhaps probably the only one i rem...still she evoked many emotions and memories...she really made me feel and remember the cruelty and pain of bullying i suffered in lower pri..nope, she was not one of them who bullied me..yah, i know few people are not going to b able to believe tt i was bullied as kid, but i nv felt these emotions so strong b4 since that time. they seem so distant, i even forgot they existed..i rem i'll cry in class everyday...her appearance just made all the memories resurface and everything seem all so real once again...perhaps because of all the bullying that made her friendship so much more precious to me and i nv 4got..perhaps i was just too young to think so much abt it...i'm still happy i met her again even though it brings back so many memories i wished i'd really forgotten...*written with tears in my eyes and washing my face...

spent the entire day at my project mate's hse doing js project...the feeling of solidarity and of knowing that u have a common purpose to accomplish is just so good! :) call me crazy if u want, it's the feeling that you're all in it together..i guess i'm lucky. i nv did have very high expectations for uni..the higher the expectations, the harder reality hits..i feel lucky that i've 2 people to stand together with, though the other din really contribute much..2 is better than none! *haha, i think after my "confession" on thursday, things became more clear-cut and obvious, guess it's like just something that everyone was waiting for someone to say but no one dared to say..then after that everyone just yah, became so much more obvious, but we're almost there! :) almost, almost done liao! :) i must say it was a gd project lah..i'm glad i made friends doing project...

i've my mugging time-table out...1st time, that i'm so hyped up abt exams...it's scary...cos all the grades from all the sems have equal weightage towards my CAP...official start of *drum-roll* MUGGING TIME!!

christopher's outta Singapore Idol...i must say i really love his smile...it's like more megawatts than megawati's...*haha...trying to be lame, but i really love the way he smiles...it's like the entire face is smiling, not only the mouth, the lips and teeth. Of course, it's a plus point that he's got such nice, white, straight teeth...so when he smiles, u see his nice, nice teeth and "mimi yan"...yup, it's the eyes, that truly convey the feeling that he's really SMILING :) they're like shiny *sparkle* with sincerity...yup, guess i'll miss the smile lah...pt being he cant really sing...

guess what happened today? well she did turn up, but all she did was complain abt how tired she was, how little sleep she had, how many more projects she's gotta do and stoned...right, u dun even need to guess that i'm not very sympathetic...come on, everyone has their problems, whatever gotta's be done's gotta get done...anyhow, somehow. qt irritating cos we were doing the most impt and crucial part of the essay and she was just stoning there...gosh, then later she had to go off for work, till 1am? huh? yah, then we do and do until 6 plus...aiyah, then when we were distributing the work, we were like saying, what shd we let her do? cos we took up most of the stuff already...we really din know what we cld let her do? yup, that was when i decided to voice all my grievances...so i was complaining abt everything though i wasnt too sure if the 2 of them wld agree...well, the girl was more forth-coming with her agreement...the guy, not really so critical, think cos he's more easy-going..i think guys are generally not so easily irritated? they just do whatever..at least this one not bad lah...yah, so glad man, that i'm not the only one feeling this way. come monday and all the agony will be over...but it's kinda sad that i'll not see them anymore...at least not tt often or together anymore..it's a just a routine and u get used to it, then when it goes...u miss it..

yeah, finally can log in to blog...think it's time for another round of re-formatting...sitting on my bouncy ball chair! qt fun :) just wanna record a little abt the happenings of today...went for psych tut this morn, supposed to get back my quiz...guess what the teacher ask me? he asked me if i did the quiz cos he din have my paper...what rubbish...luckily he'd fed the paper into the machine and then later lost it...dunno what he did to my paper huh? yah and my grp lost to another grp by 1 mark! *sigh...whatever...it always seem like those things that i care most abt have the most catastrophes....and then jap lang. i really enjoy learning it, just that it's rather fast and intensive? gotta spend so much time preparing for it...yup, i was sitting next to this yr 4 engineering guy..and the freaky thing is that e teacher just keeps calling him and then me next...i dunno why...3 times in 1 lesson, how freaky is that? at least i know better prepare when she calls him..it's not the first time, usually i sit somewhere not near him, then she'll still call him, after that me...just weird lah...was listening to wang lee hom's some japanese song...feels so gd when u actually understand some of the words! :) *haha...alright shall go get my beauty sleep liao...and x my fingers, but i have this feeling someone's not going to turn up for project tmw...

sunny rain
crying laughter
when the sky can't decide whether to shine or rain
when you don't know whether to cry or laugh

alright, shall not waste anymore blogspace complaining about people. back from yv interview cum meeting, i think i'm beginning to really enjoy being in this committee...guess there's no baggage from the past. but the thing's cos they know each other qt well from svap...oh well, think i've got a different aim for yv this yr, i wanna improve on my communication skills, think i'm lacking in that area, greatly. so that shall b my goal this yr :) making more friends and better communication skills. tralala...busy and happy

today's a cold rainy day, i just love cold days. the feeling of trying to warm urself and being at home, not out there, cold and wet.

dun act stupid to me! how many times must i exp it? i think even pri sch kids can understand me! are u trying to tell me that someone how u managed to bluff ur way thru so many yrs of education with so little common sense? i'm not stupid. i dunno whether you're trying to insult my intelligence, but if so, i think you're insulting yours more...pretending to do work is not going to get you anywhere. "Fu Yan Se Ze"...does not work, you're going to be "Chai Chuan" soon!! hmm....dun 4get there's the evaluation...*evil grin* dun play play...i'm not as nice as i may seem...mr kiasu: "think smart, act blur" the real world has arrived.

why do people always claim that they've sent email to me and i nv receive it? it's like too much of a coincidence...call me cynical, but i think they nv did send it. so why lie? save face? go ahead...it's not gonna save u...i may appear nice to bully and blur, but i'm not stupid.

both the beauty and bane of Life is its unexpectedness, that's why there's Regret. to avoid regret, treasure every moment.

there was a crow cawing and calling to its mates that it'd found some food -- orange skin. soon, they swooped down to join him. attracted by the noise, along came 2 mynahs. perhaps they knew they din belong and that they would pose no challenge to the larger, seemingly fiercer crows, they stood at the side, waiting. a car zoomed by, the crows got scared and they flew away, returning again quickly. many cars zoomed by, the crows all took flight quickly, swooping upwards, as if going to attack the people at the bus-stop. only the 2 mynahs stood by the orange skin. seizing their chance, one started pecking at the skin. soon, the crows returned, some began to view the mynahs as a threat and started chasing them away. the mynahs tried to be courageous, then the bus came.

someone is very irritated, she's going to be one hr late for lecture cos she's been trying to send one stupid email...gmail, yahoo, walagata, nothing works...

The imperfections of technology

haha, today is a happy day :) got back my jap lang test, wow, haven seen this kind of marks since like sec sch... :) yeah! cld have gotten pri sch kind of marks if only i'd more time...must do faster next time...how, i'm really falling in love with all things japanese... yup, yup and went to see the eu lecturer today abt my essay, he's rather nice and he says my english's not bad...but i gotta do more analysis! my 2-week crisis is almost over...but i can foresee another crisis coming soon...

ideas don't come in drizzles, they come in thunderstorms and floods.

so sleepy and tired...it's only almost 8...waiting for dinner to appear...went to school for the rp today...not bad lah, it's quite interesting school's really quiet and surreal? not many people but certainly more than i expected, probably all the hall people staking out all the best studying spots in nus...i'd love to do that too...cos it's so quiet, like a world of ur own...wished i lived near school...

anyway, back to the rp...i was actually in school 1/2 hr early? how can that be true? wish it was so on normal days, that's why i said it's surreal...i dun regret sacrificing my sunday to go do the rp, think the experimenter's qt nice and it's an eye-opening exp and best of all, i dun have to worry about any more credits, i've got more than enough! :) she was measuring my ERP, nope, it's not electronic road pricing as most singaporeans would think...it's event-related brain potential, i think...measure the electrical activity in my brain while i'm doing some stuff...put this cap, like swimming kind, over my head and it's got all these little holes where she "injects" the gel in....the gel acts as a conductor from my scalp, where the electrical currents(?) are generated, to the electrodes, which she button on, onto the outside of the cap...yah, i really felt like a guinea pig...

had to do 2 diff expts, the 1st one was stupid...i was literally falling asleep...prob cos the screen was too close for comfort, i had to guess certain patterns in the pics i see...the second one was challening, some foods and allergic reactions....think i did badly for that one, cos i wasnt really paying attention...so tired after the 1st one and somemore, the connections were not really logical, at least not to me...eating potato makes Mr X nauseous? *huh*? no link...

tried to wash away the gel from my hair after that but only succeeded in making my hair really messy and wet, like i'd been caught in the rain...decided to go home and wash it after all...luckily, i din do it on a weekday...imagine, i'll go around looking like a mess the entire day...

going to eat dinner, gotta mug, mug, mug and study hard and do some essay and project later...whoever said that uni was fun and slack?

i'm going to school tmw to be a guinea pig! going to school on a Sunday!! for 1 and 1/2 hr...and my journey there and back is twice that amount of time! well, at least, i will complete all the necessary credits and i wouldnt have to worry anymore...plus i'm getting an extra credit, which i hope i can carry over to next sem.

And thinking abt this thing of going to school on sunday made me think abt going to school on saturdays and that's when i realise that going to school on satuday is a foreign concept to me. looks like i'm implemented the 5 day week for myself since like sec 1? not that i did it on purpose and not that i always dun go 4 stuff i've gotta go 4 on Saturday...i'm not a slacker either! at least not in that sense...i will go for the necessary stuff but most of my saturdays in sec sch and jc were spent at home, i believe? i din purposely choose ccas that were not on saturdays...i'm not considered super slack either, am i? in mum's opinion, she thinks that i'm like a wild horse, running, galloping abt...dun ask me why wild horse, my mum's got weird, albeit funny ideas sometimes...

So what's the point of this entire post? I think that the 5 day week can be implemented successfully! I'm an example of its success! Eh, i din turn out that badly, did I?

it's 2 and my nose's running...

blogging again, when i'm supposed to be doing my project, not that i'm not doing, just not fully focusing...i have this feeling i'll not be turning for lecture tomorrow morning...why is that so?

As usual, feeling like a kamikaze pilot! near the point of crashing...yah, so many things to do! who can i blame but myself 4 leaving everything till now and then everything's like coming altogether in one week! trying hard to be responsible for stuff. but while i get stressed and have a zillion things to do, i think that's when i m most efficient and i love that adrenaline rush, though it causes me to be mega stressed after that...think i'm crazy man, reminds me of the time i wrote 6 gp essays in one morning? siao...

today was a most irritating day! had a confrontation with my project group mate. Trust me, none of us wanted it to come to this...jeff, michelle and i were talking to him...while sp had left...it was really qt bad, i kept imagining him punching small little pathetic me and how i'll hit him back...yah, think i'm a bit crazy...:p whatever...it was so tense...hate such situations...but i must say that michelle and jeff were really diplomatic, while, i'm the straight forward kind...the thing is he hasn't been turning up for meetings nor doing his work. he'll make empty promises to us, telling us that he'll do the work but till now, we've never seen any work at all...and the project is due in 1 week plus! he claimed he'd sent it already but i nv did receive it. so i asked him when, he was evasive and finally said that it was thursday. i just had the vague feeling he was lying when he said that...so he's supposed to send it to me tonight and now, i m still waiting for the email...waiting, waiting, waiting...

busy, busy, busy...

i m really deadbeat. really tired. it's like 11.45pm, been outta my house since 8.30am this morning. haven been out 4 so long in a very long time, but i must say i really enjoyed myself! :) it's nice, havent felt so connected to people in a long, long time. It gets lonely in the uni when you're separated from all ur good friends. went 4 a movie, "goodbye lenin" in the morning, thot it was pretty funny...had breakfast 4 abt $1.10...oishi omelette from western stall...then proceeded to meet siong and sm 4 lunch...*haha, my fav yong tau foo from koufu at hdb hub! :) the aunties are still as irritating, flirting with e chicken rice stall next door, and giving me the thin bee hoon, when i really want the thick bee hoon...whatever, i like eating it! after talking rubbish 4 a really long time and sm being super irritating cos she kept asking siong when he's gonna job-hop...i expected everyone to be late at orchard, so sm and i only left toa payoh at 3...which turned out to be a mistake! since everyone was ontime 4 once...*haha...so we started jabbering straight away and went to shop...din buy anything though cc, jx and sm all bought skirts...oh yah, and 1st time i see cc wear skirt, except aj skirt lah...:) jx and fion had to model dresses 4 us! and i took a photo of fion wearing the dress in the dressing room...er, apparently the flash was very obvious...i think e highlight was e dinner and e after dinner, which fion missed out on...:p see lah, who tell u to leave so early...yup, dinner was really sumptous! fish & co...somehow i just nv got to eat it b4 though i'm a huge fish lover...i must say it's really pretty good! the waitress was very nice too! her name's zee zee...patiently explaining to us in response to all our weird qns...anyway, the whole platter looked really wow! prawns, calamari, rice, fish(!!!), bits of salmon! we tucked in, "like we hadnt eaten 4 3 days" --to quote sm...*hahah....sat there talking and talking, about everything and anything...why guys like girls with long hair, listening to jx discriminate against ah lians and ah bengs, the perils of wearing skirts...cant rem what else...add in if u want to...finally, our conscience began to prick us, cos there were so many ppl standing outside while we were happily sitting there chatting away...i checked out some bikes at carrefour, but nothing really great...i really want a new one! :( was going to esplanade when cc decided tt she was too tired and wanted to go home and sleep...what a big disappointment! abandon us like that...anyway the 3 of us trudged down to the esplanade and acted like some tourists, taking photos with all e exhibits...lalalallaaaa....we went out to enjoy e sea breeze and music, only to be disappointed...there was hardly any breeze and the music was not to our tastes...we left after taking more photos. and that was it..i continued my sad and lonely and sleepy journey home alone...that's the thing about saturdays...you'll always see all e couples together and it just accentuates the feeling of being alone...i'm just glad everyone had a great time! goodness knows when we'll have the chance to all meet up again...:) *haha, we cld try having more msn grp chats! that's it, it's almost 12.30am, i need some beauty sleep! nights... the feeling of sisterhood...

simultaneously blogging and watching the results of Singapore Idol: Spectacular Final 9...feel kinda sad 4 david yeo, since he's from e same sch and i think he was really sad, like trying hard to be happy, when he was singing, like with this smile plastered on...i think the show is more than a talent show, or rather less than a talent show. the more popular you are, the higher chances you have, it's best to have lotsa friends and family and of course, fans, willing to spend a lot of $$ voting for you.

a few things....
1) whoever wants/needs a $20 creative voucher, pls tell me
2)i've finally got my $ back from R****** H***
3)my blog has passed the 1000 mark

life is a symbiotic relationship...or is it not?

"opps i did it again" -- blogger...blogger happily posted my previous post 9 times! and made me think that i'd lost the earlier post. okay, mayb it's my com? but it told me zero-sized reply...whatever...

blogger just did something terrible to me! it just made my entire post disappear! just when i commented that it was getting faster... :( I've got a zillion and one things to do but as usual, don't feel like doing any of them. Just experiencing the usual sunday blues of lethargy. whatever...gotta go study for my japanese test, do my readings for jap studies project, prepare for jap studies tutorial, read up for european studies tutorial, prepare for political science tutorial, write essays for european studies and political science, as well as yv programmes, publicity, workshops and the list goes on and on and on and on...

i cant believe, blogger is actually getting faster at updating my blog! it's like zooooooomm! wow, hope this keeps up! *cross my fingers* as usual, got a zillion and things to do but dun feel like doing anything...it just gets boring...whatever, gotta go study for my japanese test and do my readings for jap studies project and prepare for jap studies tutorial and european studies lecture and jap tutorial and political science tutorial and euro studies essay and political science essay and yv programmes, publicity and workshops and the list goes on and on and on and on...

"There are so many girls out there who are loose but they don't have kids -- they have abortions."
Maia Lee, 21, Singapore Idol Finalist and single mother
Life, 2nd October 2004

I think she's way cool. Really. Din like her at 1st cos i just dun like loud songs and her image. But I think that she's straight-forward and brave enough to face the consequences of her actions. Not like most people who would rather escape if they could. One who dares to face the music (in more ways than one).

i just lost something again...my cashcard this time...oh but i got a voucher from creative! :) so technically, according to weiie, i made a net profit of $13, so it's ok. but then by the time i get a new cashcard, (unless i find mine back) the "profit" will only be $5, and considering that i prob have 2 spend more $ to be able to spend my voucher. i think i'll make a net loss afterall, whatever...